(bright music)
(birds chirping)
(bright music continues)
(birds chirping)
(bright music continues)
(whistling)
(whistling continues)
- I am KD Hall, Co-founder of the KD Hall Foundation,
and Producer of the Untold Stories of Mental Health,
Voices of Black Women.
(bright music)
(sings indistinctly)
I was moved to action around mental health
after learning about the tragic death of 30-year-old
and former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst, who died by suicide.
(gentle music)
From the outside, this brilliant
and beautiful soul had it all together.
A loving family and close circle of friends,
a business degree from the University of South Carolina
and accomplished Division 1 Track and Field Athletic,
and a fitness enthusiast.
An MBA and law degree, both from Wake Forest University.
She was a licensed attorney focused on social justice,
a musician, a fashion designer,
and an Emmy-nominated TV host on Extra.
See, a year prior to her death,
She wrote candidly in an essay for Allure Magazine
about overcoming the crushing expectations
she once placed on herself
after she nearly worked herself to death.
The main question that Cheslie asked herself is,
"Why am I working so hard
to capture the dreams I've been taught by society
to want when I continue to only find emptiness?"
Emptiness. Do you feel it?
How about a void, hollowness or worthlessness?
You are not alone.
(gentle music)
On March the 22nd, 2022, in partnership
with the Washington State Women's Commission,
the Urban League of Metropolitan Seattle,
and with support from the Group Health Foundation,
we convened at the WOW Gallery,
home to the iconic Dear Sister I See You exhibit.
We brought together a dynamic group of black women leaders
for a candid conversation around the topic
of black women's mental health.
Our collective call to action is
to create an inclusive community
around the critical conversation of mental health.
- Why do you think there is a stigma
associated with mental health?
One of the stigmas that come
to mind from a personal experience is
that fear of vulnerability.
That fear that I personally as a black woman,
that I would not be strong enough,
that I'm not strong enough, that place of insecurity.
And also being afraid
to really voice those inner feelings
because then would I be able
to compartmentalize those feelings to continue
to move forward and overcome any obstacles that come my way.
I also think within our existing structure, there's a lot,
there's a power structure and a power dynamic,
and from a generational perspective that impacts our ability
to really reach out.
- I certainly think back to when I was younger
and having folks in my family that we would just would label
as, oh, that's crazy, auntie or uncle.
And being older now
and realizing how we failed
to just normalize struggling with mental illness
or having a mental illness, struggling with our mental
and behavioral health
and thinking how far the conversation has come now
to have language where it's like you don't loosely use
the word crazy or, you know, wild
or just different words that we call people
who we see struggling and we're not helping.
But I think a lot of it has to do with
how we are taught when we are younger
and not having the language to describe those struggles
that we clearly observed in our families
and in our family members.
And until we do that, until we continue to educate ourselves
and give ourselves new language
and understand that like our physical health,
our mental health is critically important
and we do need to take care of it.
We do need to make sure that we have tools
and resources to help us to have, you know,
a very healthy mental health.
So once we arrive there as a society
and normalize talking about the things
that we're thinking about in the ways that we're struggling
with our thoughts and our behavior, we'll continue to,
I think, let folks down.
But once we grasp that, once we do a better job naming it
and talking about it and recognizing that we all have
to deal with our mental health, and it's not
because something is wrong with someone,
but it is literally a part of our biological evolution.
I think we'll get there,
but we just have a little way to go
to normalize those conversations.
- [Host] Yeah,.
- I have imposter syndrome.
Anytime someone says, "Zenovia, you wanna speak?"
My first question is, "Why do you want me to speak?"
But they keep asking me to speak so I have something to say.
So it gets into your psyche
and then you start making decisions
and you miss opportunities.
You miss connections with people
because you don't have the pride that's in you.
And I think just being around women like this,
there is so much power in being around women and black women
and we're so talented, but because we're trying
to live up to what somebody else's,
you know, standards and what they think,
we have a hard time believing what we are doing.
Me waking up every day makes me a strong black woman.
I don't have to do anything else today.
But wake up and try.
- See, our leaders, unpack the stigma, language
and the intergenerational trauma that they held.
- I was always taught to just suck it up.
You're good.
Just keep going.
You know, you slip and fall, don't cry.
You have, you know, you got in a fight
with your friend, you're all right.
You know, it was just keep it pushing.
Don't show anger, fear, hurt, nothing.
Just keep going.
Don't be anything but happy.
You know.
- Mask on.
- And just keep it on.
Keep it on.
I remember even, and I'll get to my next question.
Even at my grandmother's funeral,
her children did not cry
because she taught them not to cry, right?
And it was the day she was being buried.
I was like, this makes no sense.
But it was just ingrained in us probably long before
our grandmothers and grandparents.
- Personally, from my own experience,
a lot of the sort of hardships that I experienced
or distress weren't necessarily my own experiences.
They were experiences that I think were passed down to me
for my mother or for my grandmother or my aunt.
And I think recognizing that
and understanding that like trauma can be passed down
and not necessarily feeling obligated to heal
or remedy that,
but just acknowledging that, I think can be therapeutic.
And I think also there's sort of this mental warfare
where we're taught to kind of suppress what we're feeling
and, you know, just kind of suck it up and push through.
And I think that is sort of a learned behavior
that is very, very unnatural
and goes against our sort of intuition.
- We see it as a superpower to be strong.
You know, I remember getting an evaluation from my boss
and he said, "You know, when things are happening
and things are not going well at an event,
you are not looking stressed,
you're not breaking the sweat."
And I was like, oh no, I'm stressed underneath,
but I'm not gonna let all these people know I'm stressed
because that's weak, right?
When I was younger, that was my thought.
But now I need to be like, "Nope, I need help."
Things are falling apart.
What is happening?
And so how do we bring new tools to the tool belt that,
how do we create new superpowers and own them?
- We have to look at the history
because when it comes to the mental health field,
it was literally a mental illness
for slaves who ran away drapetomania.
And when you were shown to show any sign of depression
or crying, the slave master would literally beat you.
And then what happened?
Slavery ended.
And then in our households, we often say, oh, shut up,
or I'm gonna give you something to cry about.
That literally came from that history of the slave master
who was beating us.
- They could not experience their pain,
they just had to woman up, man up,
keep it forward, grind and bear it, right?
They could not talk about it
like we're talking about it today, much less move to a point
where they could heal it,
but they sacrificed
so that we could be here today to do this.
So reframing it, right?
That we are living into that justice that they fought for
and sacrificed for.
And I love what Resmaa Menakem says, black psychologist.
- [Host] You knew she was going there.
You know, come on, go ahead, go ahead, bring it.
- He says-
- [Host] Joining your group right now.
- "Black people, you are not defective.
Something was done to you.
Something happened to you."
That's also a form of reframing it.
- We shared reasons
that have prevented many from seeking support and help.
- We do live in a capitalistic society, right?
That says we don't value that.
We do not value mental health.
We value physical strength and prowess, right?
We value ingenuity, we value being in the boardroom.
We value being in the front lines,
but we don't value mental health.
It's like we were talking about earlier.
Deal with it at home, deal with it on your own.
Go somewhere and deal with that.
Don't bring that here, right?
And the reality is not dealing
with it is what's killing us.
It's what's making us chronically ill.
And so there isn't a value placed on mental health being
a part of a healthy life maintenance system, right?
And in our community, in specific, to be specific,
as the doctor was talking about earlier, the competencies
that are learned in school,
in the traditional classical ways do not address
black psychology, does not address black trauma, right?
And insurance industry practices.
Mental health therapy can be cost prohibitive, right?
And so some of us can't afford it.
If we do have insurance, we're underinsured,
and then we have to jump through those hoops.
So, you know, it's a deterrent.
- We need permission to just be able to raise your hand
and say, I'm struggling, I'm having a problem.
Because far too often we have been conditioned.
I know every one of us has heard in our lifetime
what happens in this house stays in this house.
- [Host] Yes.
- You need to manage whatever's going on.
You know, we create great little slogans.
I don't look like what I've been through,
but we're not talking about
what we're actually going through.
So I think it is really imperative for us
to just really normalize the conversation
when you're asking, "How are you feeling?"
Because we-
- [Host] But you know the truth.
- Yeah, that you truly tell the truth.
Because we have been conditioned very often
in religious communities to, you know,
it's like, how are you doing?
And it's almost like a call and response,
"Oh, I'm doing (indistinct).
I'm blessed and highly favored."
And all of these things,
but we're not telling the truth.
And so it is really getting to the heart
of being open and honest.
And had I not been open
and honest with those closest to me,
I wouldn't be here today.
- The conversation around mental health
has been pushed aside
for many years, especially in the black community.
It's been looked at as taboo.
But now it is even more critical,
especially in the aftermath of COVID-19
and the racial reckoning that followed.
- What is racial trauma?
And we'll start with you, Ashley.
Racial trauma is the physiological
and emotional responses that we have in response
to race-based stressors.
It's those micro-aggressions, those macro-aggressions.
It is seeing George Floyd be choked to death
for nine minutes.
It's knowing that, Ahmaud Arbery was gunned down running.
So even though it didn't happen to us directly, you know,
it is still traumatizing to us those indirect experiences
as well as direct, whether it be real or perceived.
You know, did this happen to me
because the color of my skin?
When we start questioning
and second guessing ourself,
and we start going into this hypervigilant state of,
you know, is everyone following me in the store,
whether they really are or not,
that is a condition of racial trauma.
- Those types of things going on.
You know, George Floyd killings, watching those types
of things on the news.
And then going to work the next day
when people being like,
"Could you speak to us about how this is making you feel?
Or could you lead the presentation today about racial racism
or how it affects us in the workplace?"
And I'm like, "I'm barely making it to work today.
I can't lead a discussion on racism
because I'm so heavily impacted by it right now."
So, that racial trauma, it really comes up in various ways.
- See, our hopes is that these stories will empower you,
and if necessary allow you the acknowledgement
to your own personal needs.
- Rest is to rejuvenate our spirit,
center our healing, center us.
(gentle music)
How do we normalize that and not have to ask
for forgiveness to take that rest.
- Yeah, I think definitely modeling that behavior.
I mean, folks, as you listed, many of my responsibilities,
folks ask me all the time, you know, "How do you do it?"
"How do you balance?"
And I don't think the question is about balance,
but I'm always honest about-
It's not a hustle until I die mentality.
I mean, I do different things on different days
and it's organized, but at nine o'clock it's my bedtime.
And then we can start again
the next day at, you know, 6, 6:30.
But rest is real.
And I think, I probably hate to make this public,
but people sometimes for me overestimate
how full my schedule is.
But I have lots of weekends.
Saturday and Sunday where I am on the couch in my pajamas,
resting, not doing anything.
- [Host] But you prioritize that.
- I do.
I put sticky notes in my calendar that say, plan nothing.
- [Host] Yeah.
- I put sticky notes across weeks that say no meetings.
Like, I absolutely am intentional about my time.
And I saw a meme the other day that says, like,
sometimes people confuse your, oh my gosh, what was it?
It was like, your free time for availability.
It's like, I'm free for me.
I'm not available for you.
Major difference.
So but I think more of us need to model it.
And I think more of us need to talk about, it's like this.
We all work hard and we hustle hard.
And I know that I get to achieve a lot of things,
but it is not sacrificing myself.
And thankfully over the years, I've been able to find
lots of other women like myself, who are, you know,
going on vacations, going on retreats, spending time,
rejuvenating, practicing yoga, practicing breathing
or meditation, or just simply saying no to extra things
and tapping into therapy.
And so I think more of us need to talk about the ways
that we have found these practices
and ways to stay re-energized, talk about it
with other folks, normalize it.
But more importantly, I think for those of us who we know
folks look up to us, we need to model that behavior.
And we need to model rest
and talk about just, you know, how good it is for us.
You know, talk about.
And I think even adding simple things
like in addition to rest of like basic things
that don't necessarily have a cost,
like drinking more water.
There are things that do cost like therapy,
but also just like taking our vitamins,
maintaining peace in our life.
But I think even just the word no can help folks-
- [Host] Complete sentence.
- To maintain some energy.
- [Host] Complete sentence.
- And like, we have not been allowed to show our joy.
And, you know, just being in this room and this spirit
and this energy right now, like, y'all should be jealous.
(audience laughs)
But you know-
- [Host] This is joy.
- Jealous in a way that you start to create it
for yourself and for your family, your friends
whoever you feel like that comfort level
and just know that it's okay to have joy when we know
that there's more work in the movement.
There's more work in your job,
there's more work every single day.
Parenting or what have you, caregiving.
But the moment of, you know, joy, black joy at that-
- [Host] Yes.
- It is not a bad word.
It is something that we need to embrace more often
and then allow others to embrace in us as well.
- I'm a researcher, so I was looking at this research
where they had pulled the bodies of enslaved people
and the muscle had literally detached itself from the bone.
And that's where that saying came from,
work yourself to the bone.
And here we are, free people not taking our breaks.
That is literally mandated that we're supposed to do.
And we're still working.
And a lot of millennials
and younger individuals, like, they applaud this.
Like, you know, I'm booked and busy.
No, I'm booked and well rested.
- [Host] There we go.
- I'm not gonna be working seven days a week.
That's not okay.
And other people need to hear that
because we've heard for so long, people say, you know,
we gotta work, work, work.
- [Host] Yeah.
- This is what it takes to be successful,
and that's just gonna end us in an early grave.
And I've seen it.
I sat at the bedside of 30 year olds, 40 year olds,
and it's like they spent their entire life just working
and now they're on their deathbed
and this is what they have.
And I don't want this for us as a people.
- [Host] Right.
- So I love, I don't know if y'all are familiar
with the Nap Ministry.
It's an organization based out of Atlanta,
and they just have this radical idea of rest
because black bodies were not allowed to rest for so long.
So I'm like, I take naps all the time.
I love to sleep.
- I really wanted this group to be one
that is authentic in our own journeys
and helps the women who are younger than us know that,
you know, you may have a dark moment in time,
and that does not mean that you do not have a future.
I think one of the worst, worst, worst components
about depression is it is a liar.
And depression will tell you things
and have you believing things that are absolutely not true.
And so when we spoke about,
when Ashley spoke about suicidal ideation, as did Tracy,
that's the voice of depression, really leaving you
to believe that there is no hope
and that there is nothing to hold on for.
And it's a lie.
It's an absolute lie.
- The most powerful thing
that I wanna take away from this circle is
we gotta remember us.
We gotta remember to connect with us again,
remember us again so that we can heal us again.
- This conversation around mental health
provided our group of exceptional women with a platform.
This platform, it really did help us reframe
the definition of strength.
Not as someone who powers through,
but as someone with the ability to be vulnerable and trust.
To motivate us, to show up for one another in community
and in solidarity, even in the face of healthcare systems
that continue to fail black women.
You are not alone.
You are seen.
You are an extraordinary spirit.
I see the power within you.
You are beautiful.
We collectively see your brilliance
and we invite you to join us on a journey
to start the healing.
(bright music)
(birds chirping)
(bright music continues)
(whistling)